A few days ago, while walking my dog, a small group of free-spirited young boys rushed by us on bikes. The first nearly ran Harlow over, with what initially seemed like intention, as he glanced back and caught eyes with me silently. Without thinking, but Cleary with loaded judgement, I yelled, "why would you do that?".
I'm naturally curious about human understanding and inner motivations, so I suppose in that split second I calculated all the unused space on the greenway path he could have used, all the time he had to consider a different choice before biking so close to us, or even to offer a simple apology?
then finally the last of the bunch, biking a little slower, trailing the group came up behind...
"sorry about that. scaring your dog and all."
Instantly I released. It wasn't that I had intention of chasing the rogue biker down for revenge, but his friend's apology reminded me, sometimes it's about acknowledging and respecting someone else's existence.
and then immediately rolling behind that, was the opportunity for me to acknowledge his existence. (*while rolling eyes at my inner higher self, that seemingly always has her shit together*)
I didn't know anything about him beyond our brief interaction...
a wild, teenager, recklessly, menacing an innocent dog? Maybe.
but just as easily I saw myself. In a world of institutional oppression, and "stuckness", and rules, and what's right, who's right, faux righteousness... sometimes you just want to let loose and give yourself freedom and grace. I mean thats what I'm doing with this typo-filled blog, and my tangled hair, and free-speaking mind, and carefree attitude about what people think of me.
I was reminded that sometimes doing what's best for you, what heals you, that god-given freedom you have to express and release, can appear a violent and negligent to those around you.
That your attempts to shed the weight of expectation and boxed reality for a moment of release, seems like pure evil intent against an innocent soul. (sound familiar to any judgements you've recently made?).
so I forgave myself.
Harlow was okay, minding her business, high-stepping in peace.
I was okay, having learned a new lesson in grace.
...and so I looked back out at the group of wild boys and thought,
"have fun kiddo. be free for us all. you deserve it. be safe."
Lessons of forgiveness frequent me often, and I mean OFTEN!
(man. God rides me so hard I'm convinced I murdered puppies in my last lifetime)
...but the common guiding path I notice, plus the bonus points for picking up invaluable self-reflection and inner-growth is... PERSPECTIVE.
none of us have full perspective of what another person's life may be like. We never, ever will. Not the full story, not the full context and inner "stuff" we all privately work through.
So instead I suggest we:
- challenge ourselves with empathy, shifting our prioritized view of motivations and intent to a larger more shared space of community joy happiness hurt suffering etc. (I'm a work in progress here)
- reflecting why we are offended or hurt (expectation and judgements likely); and
- ask ourselves what we truly need or what it is we feel like we lost when we are hurt.
I'm a work in progress. We all are.
yesterday I briefly fell in shambles and had to just take a nap.
maybe next time I need a breather, I'll go on a wild ride.
